Have you ever thought that there were analogies between characters on the “Simpsons” TV show and Major League Baseball teams? Well, the folks at the Barstools website sure have and
here are some of their findings:
New York Yankees – C. Montgomery Burns – Driven to success by an almost unimaginable wealth of resources, which they use to ruthlessly crush their enemies, although typically not by the most efficient means possible (blocking out the sun, Bernie Williams). Seemingly unaware of the (obvious) reasons why they are hated. They seem to have been a key factor in pretty much everything important that happened before 1970.
Cleveland Indians – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon – Identity entirely based on a ridiculous stereotype of Indians. Jovial ongoing relationship with a big fat guy who underperforms a lot (Homer, C.C. Sabathia). Soldiering on gamely despite a terrible workplace environment (the Kwik-E-Mart, Cleveland). Used to play a much bigger role in the grand scheme of things, but now they make only occasional appearances, and they’re usually getting abused.
Seattle Mariners – Barney Gumble – Struggling against their personal demons. Just when you thought they were going to clean themselves up and they were looking bulletproof, they suffered an unfortunate relapse.
Atlanta Braves – Ned Flanders – The very definition of “traditional,” “white-bread,” and “boring.” Quietly keeping their affairs in perfect order, but they always end up as the butt of the joke. Spurred to success by a horde of Bible-thumpers. Made a living out of left-handedness in the ’90s.
Cincinnati Reds – Principal Seymour Skinner – Spent much of their existence under the hand of a domineering, insane woman who was impossible to please (Agnes Skinner, Marge Schott). Possessors of a dirty little secret that they would rather sweep under the rug (Skinner’s true identity of Armand Tamzarian, Pete Rose). Their lives were given meaning in the ’70s (Vietnam, the Big Red Machine) but now all they have to escape the monotony of their everyday existence is the flashbacks.
Colorado Rockies – Cletus Delroy, the Slack-Jawed Yokel – Will always have to compensate for where they came from to succeed, something they will probably never accomplish. Always accompanied by a ton of anonymous kids whose names you can’t remember.